Are the Mayans to blame for turbo wars?
The Mayans have been on my mind lately. The mythology that has sprung up about their calendar truly provides food for thought. [1] Why exactly did the Mayan calendar end in 2012? Did modern pop culture simply add meaning that wasn’t there? What the heck does this have to do with IndyCar? Allow me to explain.
After deep and difficult research of the available texts and maybe a little spin through the internet, I have arrived at the possible reasons the Mayan calendar ends in December, 2012:
- That’s the date the aliens arrive. Have you ever noticed how the carving on King Pakal’s sarcophagus looks like a space ship? [2] Chariots of the Gods, indeed.
- The great calendar writer, whoever it was, fell down one of those damn pyramids. Experts are sometimes difficult to replace.
- The great calendar writer finished the cycle that ends in 2012 and said, “Well, that’s it. Let’s go get a beer.” Isn’t it possible that the job was over? He was probably working on contract. Many writers are freelance, you know.
- The Mayans got their asses kicked by drought, disease, or the Spanish and were a little too busy to update the calendar. Missed deadlines happen.
What do the Mayans have to do with the IndyCar turbo problem? I think we can find some connections. Here we sit in 2012 trying to figure out what happened two thousand years ago. It seems the Mayans wrote a calendar, but did not take any notes as they did it so future generations would be able to know exactly what was happening at the time. Didn’t those guys have a scribe or something? In today’s IndyCar version, Tony Cotman is our modern Mayan calendar guy. He was so wrapped up in turbo talk that he managed to lose the notes of what seems to be a very important meeting. According to Honda, when the engine manufacturers were meeting in 2010 to determine the rules, an agreement was reached among the builders that would allow a Borg-Warner turbo that was underperforming to be upgraded. Honda had it in their notes. Apparently, Chevrolet was not taking notes or chose not to write this down. Chevrolet (read: Roger Penske) was dumfounded when Honda asked to upgrade their turbo to be more competitive. That conversation NEVER took place. If it did, it would be in the rules. And it was NOT in the rules. What could have happened?
Tony the Mayan lost his notes. Or something. We are still waiting for a clear explanation. In any case, some people might say it’s amateur hour once again at 16th and Georgetown. I don’t blame Roger the Conqueror for insisting that Honda follow the written rules. I would, however, find it distasteful if the turbo fix was discussed and agreed upon and Chevrolet is pulling the “it never happened” card. Then again, what would IndyCar be without backstabbing, bitching, and gamesmanship? It has always been part of racing’s DNA.
Even with Chevrolet’s continued protest, it looks like Honda will be allowed their turbo upgrade. If that happens, Honda and the fans are winners. If Chevrolet gets its way, then the opinions of Sarah Fisher and A.J. Foyt ring true. After the shunt at Long Beach, @SarahFisher tweeted, “Politics. Love it.” And Robin Miller quoted A.J. on Speed.com saying it best when commenting on the turbo issue, “This ain’t about racin’ this is about politics.’’ Here’s my prediction: If Chevrolet gets its way on the protest, then the IndyCar world we have been seeing emerge begins to unravel. And if that happens, then I am canceling my 2012 New Year’s Eve plans because the myth of the Mayan calendar may just be fact.
1. An overview of the Mayan calendar and the modern corruption of the meaning. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_phenomenon
2. Proof? Here it is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%27inich_Janaab%27_Pakal
New Track Record 
If Roger Penske had been a Mayan, those uppity Aztecs would have been shown a thing or two.
I like to imagine the end of the calendar’s production coincides with the date when malted alcoholic beverages were perfected into the Mayan culture.
Some evidence of this may lie in an ancient Mayan phrase found with their recorded experiments with “spirit drink”, when translated to English, is an anagram of “drink ye bastards”*.
*- not actually true
Or, as Homer Simpson famously said, “Here’s to alcohol! The cause of – and solution to – all of life’s problems.
I’d much rather be clever but this works too. So Roger’s playing the petty little bitch card. Color me not surprised. This season should never have been scored. All the teams AND manufacturers are a decade away from developing a new car. Parity is essential. Just look at the excitement over at F1 with 4 team and 4 marques on the top step in 4 races. Now look at Roger lobbying (hissy fitting) to keep his boot on Hondas neck. Petty, silly, terrible for the series.