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07 May 2012
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Ten Worthless Opinions – The Shawshank Redemption Edition

What better way to preface my WO’s (worthless opinions) than with quotes from one of those movies you always have to stop and watch when you are flipping through the channels.  Here’s this week’s “Ten Worthless Opinions – The Shawshank Redemption Edition”  Let’s see what Red and Andy have to say about IndyCar racing.

1.  “I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.” 

This is Red on his way to meet Andy in Mexico.  If you substitute “Indy” for “Pacific,” you have how it feels to live in central Indiana in May.  For an Indy 500 fan, nothing compares.  You just can’t wait for the track to open.  Of course, if you are regular reader, you know I can’t keep a thought in my head any other time of the year, either.  If you are an IndyCar fan, the last two words sum everything up.

2.  “Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.”  

This is Red talking about Andy’s escape.  Have you ever seen the campground in the Coke Lot?  Have you ever walked down Georgetown the night before the race?  Have you ever been in the third turn infield at Indy?  Were you ever in the real Snake Pit in first turn?  Yep, this is Indy.

3.  “I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you’ll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.”  

Warden Norton said this to the new prisoners.  Taking away the fact that Norton was completely corrupt, isn’t this what Beaux Barfield has been telling the drivers?  Substitute “rule book” for “Bible” and “IndyCar” for “Shawshank,” and I think you’ve got it.

4.  “I  must admit I didn’t think much of Andy first time I laid eyes on him; looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man.” 

This comment by Red seems to be how so many people viewed Randy Bernard when he was first hired.  And yes, I’m looking at you Track Forum and Miller’s Mailbag.  Randy’s got some sand.  He is handling the stiff breezes, and the tornadoes, quite well.

5.  “What is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk?”

Captain Hadley said this.  I don’t know if A.J. Foyt ever uttered these words to anyone, but he should have.  I can hear that Texas twang now.  It makes me smile just to think about it.

6.  “Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

Red’s comment sums up exactly how I feel about the present and future of IndyCar.  I continue to hope, but things like the continuing Lotus saga and the Michael Shank Racing issues keep popping up.  Insane?  Not yet, but give me time.

7.  “I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can’t be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.” 

Red’s response to Andy playing opera on the prison PA defines the power of music.  At the 500, you don’t have to have a music degree to understand “On the Banks of the Wabash Far Away,” “Back Home Again in Indiana,” “Taps,” or the music of the engines on the first lap.  Those songs and sounds may not make us feel free like they did Red, but they certainly make us feel. [1]

8.  “Bad luck, I guess. It floats around. It’s got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that’s all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn’t expect the storm would last as long as it has.” 

Andy Dufresne talking here.  This could be either Marco Andretti, Graham Rahal, or Dario Franchitti being interviewed after a shunt when there is no one else to blame.  It must be fate, since it can’t be their driving.

9.  “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”  

This is Red again, and I think he makes a valid point about the future of IndyCar.  As fans, we can embrace the past, but we have to stop living in it.  Other than Indy, the series needs to make a new history with new drivers, new cars, and new motors.  This series needs vitality, and that is found in new things.  If IndyCar continues to live in the past, then the series will continue its descent out of the public’s eye.  Get busy, Indycar.

10.  “Sometimes it makes me sad, though… Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” 

Red describing Andy being gone is how I feel every other month of the year.  May is magical for an Indy 500 fan.  The race is on the horizon, and every day the excitement builds.   The only thing keeping depression from setting in the day after the race is knowing the next race on the schedule is coming up.  The checkered flags and banners on the house are carefully folded and stored for another year.  Life is much more drab and empty.  I miss my friend the 500.

I’m glad Red and Andy took the time to share their thoughts on IndyCar racing with us.  I am sure they would both understand when I say that the night before the 500 is “the longest night of my life.”

________________________________________

1.  Here’s Straight No Chaser, founded at Indiana University, singing “Back Home Again in Indiana.”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ8A7Q-SVHI

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , , ,
01 May 2012

Indy Tenderloin Tour: Binkley’s

(Second in a series of five appearing every Tuesday through May 22, 2010)

This installment of our “Indy Tenderloin Tour” finds us in Broad Ripple, one of Indy’s trendy districts.  If you want to party with the young people and crawl a few pubs, this is the place.  College Avenue is a north-south street that takes you by the Italian favorites Iaria’s and the Milano Inn downtown, past Sun King Brewery, and eventually becomes a wide path leading you to party town, aka Broad Ripple.  As you cruise past the corner of College and Kessler you will see Binkley’s Kitchen and Bar at 5902 N. College Avenue.

Binkley’s took its name from the drugstore that sat on the corner from 1928 until the early 70’s.  You have to like a place that gives a shout out to history.  During the winter you can expect big crowds on the nights Butler [1] plays a home basketball game.

We sat on the patio and were assisted by the lovely and vivacious Deborah.  One recommendation is to order an Indiana brewed beer.  On tap at our visit were beers from Sun King, Three Floyds, Flat 12, and Triton. [2]  You cannot go wrong with any of these breweries.  Remember: drink locally, race globally.

As expected, we ordered breaded tenderloins.  The lovely and vivacious Deborah (bartenders and servers LOVE to be called lovely and vivacious) informed us that the tenderloins at Binkley’s were cut and pounded on site.  The meat is dredged in white flour, fine corn meal, and spices.  The buns are delivered five times a week from Chicago.  Here’s what graced our table:

Tenderloins tread a thin line sometimes.  If they are pounded too thin, it’s all breading without substance.  If they are not pounded enough, the meat is not completely cooked.  The tenderloins at Binkley’s are thick enough to be meaty, yet thin enough to be cooked thoroughly.  Yahtzee!  The buns were toasty and firm and held up well.  Bun sustainability is vital for a great breaded tenderloin.  These babies sustain!  As always, my condiments of choice were mayonnaise and onions.

I have to give this breaded baby a Checkered Flag.  It’s worth the trip to Broad Ripple.

Ratings:
Checkered Flag: It’s a winner.  Picture should be on the Pork-Warner Trophy.
Green Flag: It’s a go.  Solid competitor with a chance to be a winner.
Yellow Flag:  Warning.  Something is not copacetic.
Black Flag:  Get this pig off the track.

_______________________

1.  Here’s a link to the ESPN Sports Science segment that analyzed Gordon Hayward’s final shot versus Duke in the 2010 NCAA championship game.  If this shot had gone in, Butler would have been the 2010 NCAA champion.  Hoosier Hysteria, baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQs-d_9iJ14&feature=related

2.  What does everyone need?  Links to great Indiana breweries.  Enjoy!

Posted in Indy Tenderloin Tour and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
29 Apr 2012
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New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – Sao Paulo Indy 300

What comes to mind when you think of Brazil?  Carnival?  Samba?  Nude beaches?  Crime?  I assume your answer is “yes” to all of those.  Another answer is auto racing.  Brazilians love fast cars.  It’s quicker to get to the nude beaches that way.  Or away from kidnappers.  But I jest.  I have formulated some totally worthless opinions about this week’s race in Brazil.

1.  How can you not love Bitchin’ Bob Jenkins.  For all of his mistakes ( confusing Brazil with Canada TWICE, starting the broadcast by misstating how long until the start,  miscounting the number of Brazilians in the race, and his usual assortment of using the wrong name for people), he is totally self-aware.  He knows he makes the mistakes and takes the ribbing of his booth cohorts with grace and good humor.  I had the opportunity to do TV color commentary for the Indiana state high school softball championships, and I can tell you it is the hardest, most humbling thing I have ever done.  Bob is the guy in the booth that must keep the focus on the race while watching a foreign broadcast from a studio in America.  I liked that he disclaimed the fact a number of times.  Even as I criticize, I realize we are lucky to have a guy like Bob Jenkins in the booth.  He’s sincere and honest, and that goes a long way with me.

2.  Does anyone else have a love-hate relationship with IndyCar 36?  I love that fact that NBC Sports is publicizing the drivers, but find myself being put to sleep by the narrative.  In my WO (worthless opinion), I would like to see more controversy and conflict.  The drivers are so politically aware.  We need some A.J. injected into the story.  Still, the meaning of Long Beach to Ryan Hunter-Reay and his wife was touching.  Maybe I’m not the demographic they are looking to entertain.

3.  Does anyone else find double file restarts exciting when they are done correctly?  True, the tight first turn in Brazil led to some, as Twitter aptly suggested, monkey/football romance.  But aside from that, I find myself leaning forward on restarts.  That’s good, right?  This has been a positive change.

4.  Speaking of positive changes, Beaux Barfield has been one.  After each accident, we were informed of an investigation and were informed (as well as TV, Brazil, Bob Jenkins, and technology allowed) of the outcome.  The rules seem clear to the drivers and the penalties seem fair and impartially enforced.  Unless you’re Sarah Fisher at Long Beach.  Speaking of which, the prerace had a moment of racing comedy as Kevin Lee questioned Dario Franchitti and referenced his contact with Josef Newgarden in Long Beach.  Tricky, Kevin, tricky.  Dario did not bite on the bait and continued to be blissfully unaware of “feeling” contact, Sarah Fisher’s sidepod evidence to the contrary.  I can only imagine Dario watching every video of the wreck and having a big grin spread over his face as he realized that no evidence existed that proved he punted Newgarden.  Plausible deniability, baby.

5.  Robin Miller was a ghost in the broadcast, which seemed to please some on Twitter.  I missed seeing what new way he could come up with to totally screw up the grid run.  I was hoping NBC Sports would do a hologram like they had of Tupac at the Coachella Festival.  A digital Robin Miller might not be so out of breath during his interviews.  If you can’t do a digital Miller, then at least give him a Segway.

6.  NBC sports, here’s my WO on your broadcast:  just because you have a great segment in the can doesn’t mean you cut away from the race to show it.  How the cam locks on the nose and tail assemblies work is cool information.  I like it.  But how about a side-by-side?

7.  Turbo wars!  You can expect the following press release from Roger Penske:

Since the turbo change resulted in an equalizing of the Chevy and Honda motors, it is COMPLETELY UNFAIR.  Fairness only exists when the equipment used by Penske Racing is superior.  HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE NOT SEE THAT? 

8.  Will Power is an absolute beast.  In all seriousness, he is in a class of one.  Same car, same aero, same motor, different result.

9.  And how about the other racing?  Takuma Sato showed that he really can drive.  What a dive bomb in turn 1 at the end of the race.  How about Ed Carpenter’s day?  His late spin, assisted by Ana Beatriz, kept him out of a possible top ten finish.  His improvement on road/street courses is vital to the success of his program.  It should be noted that this very fast circuit is probably better suited to his emerging road/street course skills than slower venues.  In any case, a nice day for Ed and Fuzzy’s Premium Vodka.  As much as I rag on Dario Franchitti for his it’s-not-my-fault responses to contact initiated by him, he really can drive a race car.  After spinning and being airborne, he steers it back to fifth place.

10.  Twitter responses were interesting today.  It seems that people are made uncomfortable by commercials showing people who have lost limbs, required surgery, or have become incapacitated because of smoking.  I think that’s the idea.  And since they pay for the commercial time no one else wants to buy, I think we will see more of them.  People also seem slightly entertained by the Honda commercial featuring the “Hoodie Ninja” song by MC Chris.  People, have you ever listened to the lyrics of this song?  I’m surprised that Honda uses a song that refers to…well, refers to so many things that probably don’t need to be in a commercial for Honda.[1] You REALLY need to check out the footnote to listen to the song and read the lyrics.

Another set of worthless opinions offered for your perusal.  Don’t forget to check out the “Indy Tenderloin Tour” post coming up later this week.  A good breaded tenderloin is never worthless.

____________________

1.  Entertain yourself with this link that has the music and lyrics to “Hoodie Ninja” bu MC Chris. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8aMumvh9eI

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions, Humor, Opinions, Uncategorized and tagged , ,
24 Apr 2012
2 Comments

Indy Tenderloin Tour – Plump’s Last Shot

(First in a series of five appearing every Tuesday through May 22, 2012.)

Any food tour needs to include things iconic in nature.  Other than the Indy 500, what else is synonymous with Indiana?  You got it – high school basketball.  And what basketball movie is most connected with Indiana?  No, it’s not Blue Chips.  What’s wrong with you?  It’s Hoosiers.  Filmed on location in Indiana,[1] the fictional Hickory Huskers were inspired by the small school Milan Indians of 1954 [2].  The player who took the last shot to beat Muncie Central that day was Hoosier hero Bobby Plump.[3]  Bobby, who still advocates a return to a single-class basketball tournament in Indiana, is the owner of Plump’s Last Shot in Broad Ripple, an Indy neighborhood near Butler University.  And a bar with that kind of pedigree MUST serve a breaded tenderloin sandwich.  They call it The Hoosier Tenderloin.

We rolled in on a Sunday at noon.  Plump’s radiates…something.  And that’s not a knock.  It has a hippie/hiker/neighborhood vibe.  The location is an old house adjacent to the Monon Trail [4] and off the main drag.  It’s dog friendly with a great outdoor seating area.  Our friendly bartender Robin offered up menus and beer specials.  We ordered two breaded beauties and watched ESPN while we waited.

Here’s what arrived.

Look good, huh?  The sandwiches were HOT.  As we decided our plan of attack, we heard a serious pounding coming from the kitchen.  My son and I exchanged knowing glances.  It was Fred, the cook, pounding out pork loin for the sandwiches of the people who had just ordered.  I believe that’s called “fresh.”  Zach chose to cut his tenderloin in half and double it.  I sliced the overhang off and dipped it in mayo until the sandwich was small enough to hold.  It was great.

When Fred emerged from the kitchen, he told us that Plump’s cuts, trims, and pounds its tenderloins daily.  Nothing frozen here.  It’s coated in buttermilk and dredged through panko bread crumbs, flour, and spices.  The panko gave it a really crisp texture that held up for the half-hour it took to eat it.  With pickles, onions, and mayo, it was an absolute game winner.  My rating: it’s a checkered flag.

Ratings:
Checkered Flag: It’s a winner.  Picture should be on the Pork-Warner Trophy.
Green Flag: It’s a go.  Solid competitor with a chance to be a winner.
Yellow Flag:  Warning.  Something is not copacetic.
Black Flag:  Get this pig off the track.

___________________

1.  Here’s the link to the gym that was the home of the Hickory Huskers in the movie.  It’s in Knightstown, Indiana, just a short hop on US 40 or I-70 east of Indy.  When I was in high school, we would occasionally sneak in and play ball on a weekend.  The gym was no longer used for competition.  We would crawl through the window of the old Wilkinson High School gym to do the same thing.  Good times.
http://www.thehoosiergym.com/

2.  This is the true story of Bobby Plump and Milan. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1954_Milan_High_School_basketball_team

3.  Bobby Plump is truly iconic.  Here’s his Wikipedia page.  The links to the USA Today and The NY Times articles are worth the click.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobby_Plump

4.  The father coaching the team in Hoosiers tells Gene Hackman: “Fact is, mister, you start screwin’ up this team, I’ll personally hide-strap your ass  to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!”  We really do talk like that in Indiana.  The Monon Trail is a hiking/biking trail in the Indy area that was called the Monon Line when it was still a railroad.  Pretty cool.  Here’s a link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monon_Trail

Posted in Indy Tenderloin Tour and tagged ,
22 Apr 2012
3 Comments

Are the Mayans to blame for turbo wars?

The Mayans have been on my mind lately.  The mythology that has sprung up about their calendar truly provides food for thought. [1]  Why exactly did the Mayan calendar end in 2012?  Did modern pop culture simply add meaning that wasn’t there?  What the heck does this have to do with IndyCar?  Allow me to explain.

After deep and difficult research of the available texts and maybe a little spin through the internet, I have arrived at the possible reasons the Mayan calendar ends in December, 2012:

  • That’s the date the aliens arrive.  Have you ever noticed how the carving on King Pakal’s sarcophagus looks like a space ship? [2]  Chariots of the Gods, indeed.
  • The great calendar writer, whoever it was, fell down one of those damn pyramids.  Experts are sometimes difficult to replace.
  • The great calendar writer finished the cycle that ends in 2012 and said, “Well, that’s it.  Let’s go get a beer.”  Isn’t it possible that the job was over?  He was probably working on contract.  Many writers are freelance, you know.
  • The Mayans got their asses kicked by drought, disease, or the Spanish and were a little too busy to update the calendar.  Missed deadlines happen.

What do the Mayans have to do with the IndyCar turbo problem?  I think we can find some connections.  Here we sit in 2012 trying to figure out what happened two thousand years ago.  It seems the Mayans wrote a calendar, but did not take any notes as they did it so future generations would be able to know exactly what was happening at the time.  Didn’t those guys have a scribe or something?  In today’s IndyCar version, Tony Cotman is our modern Mayan calendar guy.  He was so wrapped up in turbo talk that he managed to lose the notes of what seems to be a very important meeting.  According to Honda, when the engine manufacturers were meeting in 2010 to determine the rules, an agreement was reached among the builders that would allow a Borg-Warner turbo that was underperforming to be upgraded.  Honda had it in their notes.  Apparently, Chevrolet was not taking notes or chose not to write this down.  Chevrolet (read: Roger Penske) was dumfounded when Honda asked to upgrade their turbo to be more competitive.  That conversation NEVER took place.  If it did, it would be in the rules.  And it was NOT in the rules.  What could have happened?

Tony the Mayan lost his notes.  Or something.  We are still waiting for a clear explanation.  In any case, some people might say it’s amateur hour once again at 16th and Georgetown.  I don’t blame Roger the Conqueror for insisting that Honda follow the written rules.  I would, however, find it distasteful if the turbo fix was discussed and agreed upon and Chevrolet is pulling the “it never happened” card.  Then again, what would IndyCar be without backstabbing, bitching, and gamesmanship? It has always been part of racing’s DNA.

Even with Chevrolet’s continued protest, it looks like Honda will be allowed their turbo upgrade.  If that happens, Honda and the fans are winners.  If Chevrolet gets its way, then the opinions of Sarah Fisher and A.J. Foyt ring true.  After the shunt at Long Beach, @SarahFisher tweeted, “Politics.  Love it.”  And Robin Miller quoted A.J. on Speed.com saying it best when commenting on the turbo issue, “This ain’t about racin’ this is about politics.’’  Here’s my prediction:  If Chevrolet gets its way on the protest, then the IndyCar world we have been seeing emerge begins to unravel.  And if that happens, then I am canceling my 2012 New Year’s Eve plans because the myth of the Mayan calendar may just be fact.

1.  An overview of the Mayan calendar and the modern corruption of the meaning.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_phenomenon

2.  Proof?  Here it is.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%27inich_Janaab%27_Pakal

Posted in Opinions and tagged , ,
16 Apr 2012
4 Comments

New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – The Grand Prix of Long Beach

I’ve been cogitating on a quote to describe the racing at the Grand Prix of Long Beach (or #TGPLB as their PR flak shrilly demanded on Twitter).  The best I can come up with is Kramer’s review of a novel for Elaine on Seinfeld:

“Well, it’s a story about love, deception, greed, lust and..unbridled enthusiasm…You see, Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.”

OK, the world diplomacy and international intrigue is really the F1 situation in Bahrain, but I think I can finesse the others into my Ten Worthless Opinions.

1.  Robin Miller has moved to the top of my list.  At Barber, he interrupted the prayer.  Last time, I called his grid run half-assed and asked that NBC Sports add additional ass.  It seems my pleas have been ignored.  If anything, ass has been deleted.  Maybe the reason ass for Robin Miller is in such short supply is because Charles Barkley has convinced everyone to go to Weight Watchers.  I don’t know.  NBC Sports, once again I ask you to have an intern or SOMEBODY produce that segment.  Maybe you could speak to the teams before the race to let them know that Robin is planning on his grid run.  Perhaps you could verify that the drivers are IN THE PITS FOR THE SEGMENT and not still tooling around the track for introductions.  Now, I have observed that Robin is dressing better now that NBC is in charge.  That’s a nice shirt.  Very professional.  But lose the sunglasses when you are in the booth with Kevin Lee.  Here’s some free advice.  If you really want to dress Robin appropriately for this segment, try big floppy shoes and a bright red nose.  You are already making him look like a freaking clown.  Unless this unintentional comedy is part of a bigger, secret plan to make us laugh.  Then carry on.  (Kramer quote connection: deception)

2.  Kramer said the book was about “unbridled enthusiasm.”  That about sums up Josef Newgarden’s move on Dario Franchitti in turn 1.  I guess you could say that Newgarden was a “cockeyed optimist” when he thought a turn 1 outside move on the first lap was his best chance to win an 85 lap race.  My opinion?  We need more cockeyed optimism. (Kramer quote connection: unbridled enthusiasm and cockeyed optimism)

3.  Does anyone have a problem with the starts?  They seemed acceptable to me.  I’m sure someone wants them to be perfect.  I just like the fact the drivers seem to be attempting to do it.  We’ll see if a bad one gets waved off.  Stay tuned.

4.  Townsend Bell gets better and better.  I think he likes the gig.  Two things he said stood out: “gnarly” and “twenty-six of my fellow wack jobs behind me.”  Where else are you going to hear that?  Keep this guy.  Lindy who?

5.  Finally, the new breed is back to finger-pointing and complaining.  I don’t know whose fault Marco’s shunt was; it doesn’t matter.  The fact that blame cannot be squarely assigned makes this drama more entertaining.  Graham Rahal said that Marco Andretti hit him from behind. Marco said that Graham “chopped” him and could have killed him.  After hearing this Graham said that was to be expected from someone with that last name.  THIS is the soap opera we have been waiting for.  Whiners, start your bitching.

6.  It appears the honeymoon is over for Beaux Barfield.  He’s making calls and people are reacting.  Sucks to be Ryan Hunter-Reay, E.J. Viso, and Simona De Silvestro doesn’t it.  Personally, I have no problem with any of his rulings because the new transparency lets us know that the race director is reviewing a situation and actually making a ruling.  If you watched IndyCar 36, you know Graham Rahal was a little cranky with Beaux about qualifying at Barber.  Be prepared for more grousing about blocking.  The fur will fly when Beaux hangs a penalty on a certain Brazilian or someone with the last name Andretti.  And you just know it’s going to happen. *rubbing hands in anticipation*

7.   All the problems with the motors has created controversy, conversation, and conflict.  That’s good, right?  We want the competitors talking and the media buzzing.  It makes us watch every lap and every puff of smoke.

8.  Twitter BLEW UP when Marco Andretti went airborne after contact with  Graham Rahal.  The armchair engineers had all they needed to categorically state that the new rear bumpers do not work.  I will use my daughter’s favorite response to my idiotic musings: Really?  One inconclusive camera angle proved it.  Damn, I wish I had a degree from your school.  You be smart.

9.  I give NBC Sports a B+ for this broadcast.  It seems to be much more difficult to position cameras at street courses as opposed to road courses.  It might have something to do with, you know, all those BIG BUILDINGS.  But it would have been nice to see the penalties on Viso and De Silvestro.

10.  I truly appreciate those who can work it to “accidentally” be in frame on a national TV broadcast.  Kudos this week to Chris Sheridan who blogs at IndySoup.com and can be found @indysoupdotcom on Twitter.  Here in Indiana we have a term for that kind of grin, Chris.  Something about ingesting feces.  Good on, ya.  See you at Indy.

I understand that I did not connect every WO to the Seinfeld quote.  If you see how I missed one, please let me know.  I hope these opinions are as worthless to you as they are to me.

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , ,
08 Apr 2012
1 Comment

New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama

DISCLAIMER:  Yes, this post is exactly one week late.  I know this.  Please refrain from pointing it out to me.  I have been on a lonely mountain in West Virginia without cable or phone service.  After leaving the mountain severely sunburned, I visited relatives in the Washington, D.C. area and will toss in a few worthless opinions regarding that.

I watched the race on Sunday, April 8.  Please pretend the race just happened at Barber and that I did not read any other blogs or news services regarding said race.  Today’s post is a time machine, if you will.  And the opinions are still worthless, but I proudly present them to you.

1.  NBC Sports must have read my last post!  They used intro music that had a pumping beat that might actually, you know, WAKE YOU UP.  Kudos.  Now, how about grid girls?  I cannot emphasize this enough.

2.  I know it was reported that the ratings for the race were way down.  Understood.  Accepted.  But I counted 26 different ads during the broadcast.  True, some of them were NBC Sports advertising its own programming, but most were not.  How many times on Versus last year did we watch the same Firestone, IZOD, Honda, and Versus ads over and over?  Not this time.  I’m guessing the marketing department for NBC swings a bigger stick than Versus and are anticipating (and can live with) a loss as the network ramps up.  And Bob Jenkins mentioned the sponsors on the cars multiple times.  Gee, who thought of that.  Maybe they can become broadcast sponsors, too.  I truly believe that IndyCar and hockey are positioned to be cornerstone properties of the network.  Please get the lemmings off the ledge.  To quote Kevin Bacon from Animal House, “Remain calm!  All is well!” [1]

3.  I love Bitchin’ Bob Jenkins.  Really.  He makes me laugh.  From the race, we have the following: a. “Newt cars”  b. “Grand pee”  c.  “Barber Spartan Park.” d.  “Helio Castro.”  You can’t make that stuff up.  Unless you’re Bob Jenkins, that is.

4.  Speaking of announcers, I am going to make a very unpopular comment:  I like Kevin Lee on the prerace much more than I liked Lindy Thackston.  That is not to say that I had anything against Lindy Thackston.  She was perky, pretty, and perfectly fine.  But Kevin Lee is better.   He is more knowledgeable and a much better interviewer.  In my WO, the broadcast is improved.  Feel free to disagree.

5.  Robin Miller needs a handler or a producer or something.  His grid run was a joke.  Do it or don’t do it.  The potential is there for a fun and interesting segment.  Right now it’s half-assed.  NBC Sports, please add additional ass.  And Robin, saying “hell” multiple times does not make you edgy.

6.  Marty Snider and Townsend Bell were fine in the pits.  Jon Beekhuis always tells me something new.  The info about the pedals, while not thrilling, was informative.  Look, I’m a fan of minutia.  I like the esoteric.  Jon Beekhuis completes me.

7.  Oh,  yeah.  The cars raced.  I mean they really raced.  They passed for position on the track.  They defended.  Or blocked.  Whatever.  They nudged each other.  It was fun to watch.  I think that’s what the networks, fans, and drivers want, right?  Most fans like to see the drivers mix it up.  I’m still waiting for a WWE type heel to emerge.  Marco Andretti, IndyCar’s CM Punk, is the favorite to fill that role.  If  these comments confuse you, then you need to watch Wrestlemania or see my post called “Can you smell what IndyCar is cookin’?”

8.  The camera angles on the cars were great.  ABC take note:  the viewers like to actually see things.  Complicated, it’s not.  This is not long division.

9.  NBC Sports showed passing throughout the pack and throughout the race.  Hint:  keep doing this.  Believe it or not, many race fans actually like to see racing.  Don’t over think it.

10.  Here are some WO’s if you plan to visit the Washington, DC area.  If you are at a bar and they make a point of posting the ABV (alcohol by volume) of their beers, TAKE NOTE.  It becomes important later in the evening.  Also, a trip to the open-air seafood restaurants at the docks on the Potomac is recommended if you don’t mind waiting.  And waiting.  The spicy peel-and-eat shrimp and the gumbo were both quite tasty.  A recommendation: see the Smithsonian American Art Museum. [2]  Currently showing are Annie Leibovitz: Pilgrimage and The Art of Video Games.  Culture is what separates the IndyCar fan from the NASCAR fan.  Get some.

___________________________

1.  Here’s Kevin Bacon talking to IndyCar fans regarding the TV ratings.  It was, I believe, his first film role.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDAmPIq29ro

2.  In case you want to check out the American Art Museum’s offerings.  http://americanart.si.edu/

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , , ,
26 Mar 2012
4 Comments

New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – St. Pete

Opinions I have.  The value of those opinions is up for debate.  As this new racing season starts, I have mulled over what recurring race response I should write.  I have taken the lazy man’s way out.  Or the hack writer’s way out.  Either way says something about me.  With that said, allow me to introduce my new feature: “New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions.”  I will try to live up to the title’s expectations.  After each round, I will post 10 opinions.  This allows me to not create a cohesive narrative.  I won’t need transitions.  A theme doesn’t need to exist.  In other words, it fits my writing style.  How’s that for self-awareness?  Here’s this week’s blather.

1.  ABC deserves an “A” for their prerace handling of Dan Wheldon’s death and its aftermath.  They got it as right as you can get it.  They had to show images of the wreck.  It’s still news, and it affects the series, the drivers, and the fans.  The had to show Dario Franchitti crying in his car.  That’s an iconic image that will be shown for years.  They had to interview Tony Kanaan.  He’s the de facto spokesman for the drivers.  They had to show Dan at the yard of bricks and talking about the new car.  The Dan Wheldon story is still being told.  His death and the human responses to it still move me.  Kudos to the nameless producer who put that segment together.

2.  ABC deserves a “C” for the music used in its production.  Can they find any less edgy or less current tunes?  It was sappy and sentimental.  Jeez, just pay the royalties for something new.  Old people are not turned off by popular music.  Young people (you know, the demographic you are looking to engage) do respond to something they recognize.  You could even use that stupid Neon Trees song “Everybody Talks” from the Buick Verano commercial.  Anything is better than what you have!  NBC Sports, take a hint.

3.  I’m not done with ABC just yet.  They open the broadcast with a lullaby, and follow it with the dulcet Mr. Rogers tones of Marty Reid and Scott Goodyear.  Come on guys, at least act like you’re excited.  I think Marty is just pissed he’s not at a NASCAR race and has to look at those small numbers and new liveries on the IndyCars.  Isn’t there an ex-racer hanging out in the paddock that can use some exposure?  NBC Sports, take another hint and make it a party.  Go after that new demographic…please.  It should be noted that pit reporters Jamie Little, Vince Welch, and Rick DeBruhl are knowledgeable, articulate, and enthusiastic.  I wish that would rub off on the guys upstairs.

4.  Everyone is so complimentary about how well the drivers took care of their cars.  Robin Miller said it was a new-found respect for each other.  Others suggested that Beaux Barfield put the fear of Race Control in the drivers during the closed-door drivers’ meeting.  These both may be true.  How’s this WO (worthless opinion): there are not very many spare parts around for the cars yet.  Everyone wants to race next week.  Let’s see if this “after you” good manners mentality continues when the parts inventory increases.

5.  Speaking of Race Control, my WO is that Beaux Barfield passed his first test.  An investigation ensued after contact between Helio Castroneves and Ed Carpenter.  It was immediately publicized (transparency!).  A ruling was made and announced.  It was the right ruling, too.  Two cars nose-to-tail and the leading car slows in the racing line.  It was unavoidable and was not an aggressive move.  Batting a 1.000 for the season, Beaux.

6.  Helio Castroneves’ salute to Dan Wheldon was touching.  On Wind Tunnel, he told Dave Despain that it was not planned.  He stopped to climb the fence in front of the bleachers and turned and saw the sign across the track.  We have come to expect emotional and impulsive responses from Helio.  This one is a keeper.  It moved me.

7.  Back to ABC.  Hey, guys in the production truck.  Yeah, you with the headphones.  Just a WO from a viewer.  SHOW US SOME PASSES!  If you were keeping track on IndyCar.com’s scoring page, you could see passes were taking place.  I know ABC, you want to tell stories (everyone wants to create the next Mad Men).  Here’s a story line for you:  THERE’S A FREAKING RACE GOING ON AND THE FANS ARE TUNING IN TO WATCH IT!  Feel free to use that.  Once more, in case NBC Sports sees this, tell us the story of the race.  Give us the basic situation, show us the rising action, throw in the conflict and complications, introduce the protagonists and antagonists, use exposition so we know what’s going on, lead us to the theme.  THAT’S storytelling.  The race IS the story.  Thank you for listening.

8.  In my WO, engines are going to blow.  It’s the calm before the storm.  I know the engine builders are good, but they are not that good.  Don’t put the oil dry away just yet.  You just cannot build that many high performance engines that quickly without adequate testing and not have gremlins.  Expect it to bite every team at some point.  Back to storytelling: this creates suspense.  I remember hoping something wouldn’t happen to Lloyd Ruby.  It always did, and that got me emotionally involved.

9.  Simon Pagenaud, James Hinchcliffe, Josef Newgarden…’nuff said.

10.  The cars looked OK.  They were sleek and racy.  At least they were until you saw them from the back.  Woof.  What a dog from that view.  Tony Johns at PopOffValve.com convinced me in a recent post that the DeltaWing could not have been picked as the car for the series because of safety, testing, and money.  I should point out that I was reluctantly convinced.  I still don’t think the needle moved very much.  As my mother used to say about my high school girlfriends, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

That’s it, folks.  You have borne witness to the birth of “New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions” about the IndyCar race at St. Pete.  I look forward to delivering some more the next time.*

*New Track Record will be traveling next weekend, so the “Ten Worthless Opinions” may be running a little late.  Actually, I’ll be in a cabin in the mountains of West Virginia on Sunday with NO CABLE.  I guess we’ll find out how well the Verizon IndyCar app works.

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , ,
19 Mar 2012

Connecting to a new audience, one snail at a time

I watched a great show in Indy the other night.  It was a motor sport series with rabid fans, multiple manufacturers, a support/ladder series, activated sponsors, articulate racers, and a young, edgy vibe.  I only wish it was IndyCar.  The show I saw had edge-of-your-seat passing, a mad dash to turn 1 at the start, and all the danger and excitement you can handle.  That’s right, folks.  I saw the Supercross race at Lucas Oil Stadium.  And you can quote me here: WOW!  How does this series do it?  I’ve got a few thoughts.

I have to give IndyCar and Randy Bernard credit: the animated movie Turbo is a HUGE step in the right direction to engage and activate a demographic that up until now was given the option of a die-cast IndyCar or nothing.  It’s time to trend young.  And Supercross has already cut a pretty big piece of that pie.

The leg up with Supercross (or any motorcycle series) is that you can go buy the product and run it on the street.  Advantage to the two wheelers.  They sell the product they race.  At the MotoGP race in Indy, every manufacturer and vendor was activated.  From the grid girls for every product to the three and four year old kids in racing suits tooling around a small track, there was something for everyone.  That dynamic is absolutely missing in IndyCar.  The MotoGP vendors are not just trying to make a sale today, they are trying to create a consumer for life.  IndyCar and its sponsors need to take a lesson.

We tend to gravitate to those who resemble us.  IndyCar is getting that, moving to young drivers like James Hinchcliffe , Josef Newgarden, and Marco Andretti.  We need the youth.  Supercross racers are all young, or at least they look and act like it.  Let’s face it, IndyCar drivers are more like a college fraternity: cool and stylish.  The Supercross riders are the hell-raisers that flunked out after the first semester of college.  They were having too much fun to worry about class.  Honestly, kids dig that vibe.  The term is “edgy.”

Supercross owns Saturday night on Speed TV.  All the races are televised.  You know where to find them. While IndyCar struggles to find a time where they are not competing with NASCAR and football, Supercross carved out a niche.  And like IndyCar, Supercross is a niche series.  They just do it better than IndyCar.  Their 17 week season runs from January in the warm weather outdoor stadiums, through the indoor football stadiums, to the main stretch at Daytona, and to the last race at Las Vegas in May.  I am not suggesting that IndyCar follow this same schedule.  It’s impossible to do so.  But IndyCar does need to start its season earlier in the year and find times and dates when they are the only show in town.

Supercross is not without its controversy.  There is conflict between the stadium circus and the summer circuit, particularly when it comes to sponsorship dollars.  It’s worth noting that Monster Energy is the title sponsor for Supercross and Lucas Oil products, along with Red Bull, are the primary sponsors of the summer series.  It would be nice to have those big boys doing some of the heavy lifting in IndyCar, wouldn’t it?  And the demographics of the series are why we don’t.  Old guys like me don’t drink enough Monster or Red Bull.  I do wear IZOD sport shirts, shorts, khakis, and socks, though.  That just screams PARTY!

Supercross has figured out its people.  They are young and Supercross markets to them.  They connect.  I have a strong belief that the marketing department at IndyCar is figuring out a way to connect with that young audience.  I guess a speedy snail is a good start.

Posted in Opinions and tagged , , | Leave a comment
11 Mar 2012
5 Comments

A Bowl of Indy Stew – The Night Before Day 3, 1986

We all have our favorite dishes.  For some it’s a hot and juicy steak fresh from the grill.  Others prefer a healthy salad with arugula and other trendy greens.  In Indiana, a great breaded tenderloin is always a popular selection.  But at New Track Record, you can always count on a hot, steaming bowl of Indy Stew to hit the spot.  Here comes the fourth bowl of Indy Stew from the 1986 pot.

– – – – – – – – – –

The year 1986 was a marathon for fans.  In the case of our heroes, we snuck in the night before the first day, encountering yellow shirts and feeling like the petty criminals we were.  Days one and two also brought rain and an entertaining vomit story as well as an introduction to our new friend Nick the biker.   Good times.  The race was postponed until May 21, the following Saturday.  We followed our regular modus operandi: we arrived the night before and found a parking spot at a machine shop on Olin Avenue.

Now, if you are an Indy regular, you are familiar with the elusive “back way” into the track on race day.  Everyone thinks they know the best one.  People have the “best” way to get to the track and the “best” race day parking.  They will not be swayed.   We all want to be “in the know.”  One back way into the track is the 10th Street-Holt Road-Olin Avenue route. [1]  The only problem is you need a parking pass to gain access to Holt Road.  Normally.  On the third day of a race, you only needed to show up.  But against the possibility of being blocked by the local constabulary, we had managed to come into possession of a parking pass for the Goodyear lot, which was directly across from where Olin Avenue entered onto 16th St.  Full disclosure: we came into possession of a “facsimile” of a parking pass for the Goodyear lot.  We really did not want to park there.  We just wanted access to 16th Street, so we could get into the track and park in Turn 2.  That was our goal every year.  And this year it worked.

Sometime Friday evening, my friends Marv, Gil, and I rolled down Holt Road to Olin Avenue and parked in the small parking lot of a machine shop directly across from the Goodyear lot.  We hoped the police would see our parking pass and stop traffic to let us in when the gates opened.  Now was the time to stroll down 16th Street and Georgetown to take in the sights, sounds, and stench of the night before the 500.

It was a rather laid back evening.  The crowd was much smaller than the previous weekend, so we did not anticipate anything unusual happening.  We were wrong.  We struck up a conversation with some guys who had parked behind us.  They were from Illinois and wanted to have a good time.  They were loud, funny, friendly, and drunk.  In other words, it was a typical bunch of guys you see at the race.  As the night wore on, an argument between two of the guys began.  We had front row seats and watched the situation escalate.  It got loud, and there was some pushing, shoving, and swearing.  Again, typical of a bunch of drunk guys.  What wasn’t typical was what happened next.  One guy went to the back of the car, opened the trunk, grabbed a hammer, and came back and drilled his adversary in the side of the head.  NOW all hell broke loose.  Hammer guy and a buddy took off running while hole-in-the-head guy hit the ground.  We just watched.  First aid was delivered while another buddy ran to get law enforcement.  Within minutes one of Indianapolis’s finest was on the scene. He interrogated the remaining guys and cast a suspicious eye at us.  After close questioning, he seemed satisfied that we were not involved.  Another officer arrived and began a search for hammer guy.  The original officer walked up to 16th street to meet the EMT’s.  When he walked away, hole-in-the-head guy woke up, looked around, and TOOK OFF RUNNING with his remaining friends in hot pursuit.  We just watched.  Within moments, the constable came back to find everyone but us gone.  Now it WAS our fault.  After delineating our various deficiencies as human beings, he just stood there and glared at us.  If you have ever seen the movie M.A.S.H, you may remember the Bobby Troup [2] line.  Bobby’s character is assigned to drive Hawkeye and Trapper John around Tokyo to help them find a golf course.  In anger and exasperation, he says: “Goddamn army,” and “Goddamn army jeep.”  The IPD officer must have been channeling Bobby Troup.  After glaring at us, he shook his head and spit out, “I hate this goddamn race.”  He pointed his finger at us and said to have the crew behind us come find him on 16th Street if they came back.

After a while hole-in-the-head guy and hammer guy CAME BACK TOGETHER!  They and their buddies loaded up their car and headed back to Illinois.  It was an odd turn of events.  Those who have attended the race regularly, particularly if you have spent the night before the race around the track, know the violence that bubbles up on occasion.  It still does.  Indy has been cleaned up, but it will never be sanitized.

Dawn approached.  As we prepared to pull out on 16th Street, more trouble boiled over.  Another group had pulled in along Olin Avenue earlier in the evening.  We discussed the hammer episode with them and watched as one of their crew drove an RC car along the street. [3]  We even took pictures with them.  As they prepared to mount up, one guy knocked another to the ground and began stomping him.  You often hear about someone being “stomped,” but until you see it in person, you just don’t understand the violence of the act.  We just watched.

While things were being sorted out after the police arrived, the bomb to open the gates exploded overhead.  We pulled out on 16th Street with our ersatz parking pass.  The same officer who investigated the hammer episode was directing traffic.  With a glare, he stopped traffic and let us in line.  We told him to have a great day.  We drove through the gates, and after three tries we were FINALLY going to see the 1986 Indianapolis 500.

– – – – – – – – – –

One more helping of 1986 Indy Stew is still at the bottom of the pot.  The next serving will be the last of the 1986 vintage.  We’ll hear about golf clubs, suntan lotion, and the song “Black Leather Jacket and Motorcycle Boots.”

1.  Click on this link to see the “back way” the elite often use to get to parking close to the track.  You will need to zoom in to see the roads. Follow 10th Street west from downtown to Holt Road.  Follow Holt to Olin Avenue.  We were parked on Olin between 16th Street and where Olin bends around.  Sweet, huh? http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.,cf.osb&biw=1392&bih=649&q=map+of+speedway,+indiana&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hq=&hnear=0x886b57d0bc256bb1:0x70cfba96bf84d40,Speedway,+IN&gl=us&ei=3BldT4OaGcnvggfOioGiCw&sa=X&oi=geocode_result&ct=image&resnum=1&ved=0CCUQ8gEwAA

2.  It is unbelievable to me that some military guy has not put Bobby Troup on YouTube with his “Goddamn army” speech.  So in lieu of that, I’ve linked you to the song that made Bobby Troup famous: “Route 66.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLUYf6cekMA

3.   We took a picture of the RC car guy.  In the Indianapolis Star the next day, what do we see?  That’s right.  A picture of RC car guy driving his car in the infield.  Small world.

Posted in A Bowl of Indy Stew

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