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14 May 2012
3 Comments

Ten Worthless Opinions – Indy Social Media Garage Edition

Through some legerdemain, hocus-pocus, super moon cosmic connection, or dumb luck,  I have been selected to be a blogger in the IMS Social Media Garage.  I’m pretty sure it was a combination of more qualified writers being unable to participate and a deadline where the vivacious Cassie Conklin, one of the primary SMG mechanics, simply said, “We have one more spot to fill.  Who’s next on the list?”  However it happened, I’m just happy to park New Track Record in the garage for the month of May.  I do have a few WO’s (worthless opinions) regarding the Social Media Garage and the first weekend of practice.

1.  Bloggers are normally happy in the shadows.  I mean, take a look at our pictures on the SMG web page.  Yikes.  Would you call us edgy, classy, or cool looking?  How about old, fat, or geeky then?  By and large, bloggers live on hope. We hope someone will read our opinions or laugh at our jokes.  We hope that people will follow us on Twitter or comment on our stuff.  And we hope for the blogger bonanza: money, swag, or credentials.  In the case of the Social Media Garage…Yahtzee!  We have been HOOKED UP.  We are still doing it for free, and I haven’t seen any shirts or hats yet, but we scored credentials for the month of May.  Normally, bloggers are told they can come in the back door and not to touch anything.  The SMG people said come on in, and you can even sit on the furniture.  It’s like the Jimmy Buffett song “Gypsies in the Palace.” [1]  We are just taking advantage of the situation while we can.  And I have to tell you, my family and friends now think I am an insufferable ass.  Or as Steve Wittich (@stevewittich) said, “You mean more of an insufferable ass.”  Well, yes.

2.  I have always contended that the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is really just a large Mom and Pop business.  It’s family run, and the people you come in contact with in the ticket office, credentials office, the gift shop, and the museum are invariably friendly and helpful.  Maybe it’s the business culture or Hoosier hospitality, but IMS people are just nice.  After getting word that I was one of the chosen/lucky bloggers, I was instructed to head to the corner of 16th and Georgetown to pick up my credentials.  I was hoping for Bronze Badge access, but was given a parking pass, a pass for race day pit/garage/grid access, and a Silver Badge.  Since I previously purchased a Bronze Badge, there was some paperwork/computer issues to work through.  Jennifer, one of the supervisors, was professional, pleasant, and helpful.  I might add that the credentials office runs a tight ship.  I would guess that not too many things fall through the cracks in there.  To add to the festivities, Eric Hall (@Erock_in_Indy), one of the other SMG bloggers, was in the office with the same problem as I.  We both felt like interlopers, waiting for someone to say, “Just a minute, you two.  There’s been some mistake.”  But we walked out clutching our badges and passes like kids gripping bags of candy on Halloween evening.

3.  The sidewalk and lawn in front of the IMS office on 16th and Georgetown is a great place to see the various team personnel pick up their credentials.  And the best part is they have to stand in line in the credentials office just like everybody else.  I love the great equalizers in our society.

4.  As Eric and I left the IMS offices, a woman who was picking up credentials at the window between us stopped to ask what was going on in there.  She was friendly (Hoosier hospitality once again) and interested in our story.  She introduced herself as Joan Parsons Voyles and very quietly, but with great pride, said that her father was a former 500 winner.  Her father was Johnnie Parsons, the 1950 champion. [2]  Stories are everywhere at Indy.

5.  If you see Eric at the SMG this year, be sure to ask him who else we met in front of the IMS offices.  And ask him where he got his picture that you see on the SMG webpage.  It only looks like a mug shot.

6.  Need another place to go to see the IndyCar personnel?  Get to Charlie Brown’s Pancake and Steak House on Main St. in Speedway early on any given practice morning.  Good food and good people watching.

7.  Opening Day at the track is just cool.  The auto show behind the Pagoda this year was superb.  Just assume the cars were beyond description.  Even better was watching the blazer wearing judges making their choices.  They talked, walked, dressed, and smelled like money.  My favorite was the judge wearing a “Gulfstream” logo cap.  Does he think we can’t tell he’s already rich?  And I can mock him all I want because I absolutely know he does not read my blog.  Small victory, I guess.

8.  Planning to buy your beer at the track?  The Foster’s Oil Can [3] holds 25.4 oz. of beer.  At $7.00 a beer that’s only $3.50 for 12 oz.  I dare you to find a better deal at any major sporting event.  At New Track Record, we believe in value.

9.  If you are a regular at the track and do not have a Bronze Badge, you are making a mistake.  Walking through the garage is flat-out fun.  The drivers are approachable, and you are up close to the action.  (Thanks to Bryan Clauson, a Noblesville boy like myself, for taking time to talk to my son and I on Saturday.  He’s genuine, and that is some of my highest praise.)  Plus, having a badge is great just because you can feel special.  And who doesn’t like that?  It’s human nature.  And for $100, you can feel special, too.  Also, I found out that badge envy exists.  Twice, people saw my badge, looked me up and down, and said, “Silver?”  I smiled.  If I only had a hat that said “Gulfstream” on it.

10.  Oh.  And there were some cars on the track, and they went kind of fast.

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1.  Here is a live version of “Gypsies in the Palace.”  I hope I don’t get a cease and desist order.  I hear JB is harsh. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBpG-GEZLCE&feature=related

2.  Here’s a link to Johnnie Parson’s Wikipedia page with an interesting story about the trophy.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnnie_Parsons

3.  And of course, a link to Foster’s beer.  Enjoy.  http://www.fostersbeer.com/ 

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , , , , ,
11 May 2012
4 Comments

What I miss about the Indy 500

Growing older is a mixed bag.  The down side is the inevitable nature of this whole mortality thing.  On the other hand, you accumulate so many wonderful memories.  The down side of that, of course, is the memory loss that comes with aging.  So many memories, so few brain cells.  So why am I sounding such a maudlin note?  The answer is simple: I haven’t lost all my memories of the Indy 500, and it’s an exercise in nostalgia to remember how it used to be.  Here’s my list.

  • I miss the media coverage.  The 500 used to dominate the news cycle in Indianapolis.  From the beginning of May until the awards banquet, both Indy papers, the Star and the News, were filled with all sorts of racing, social, and human interest stories about the 500.  People around the world would subscribe to one or both of the papers.  Indy always began when the papers reported that Larry Bisceglia had arrived to be first in line at IMS.  You expected to read multiple articles every day.  Now you hope you see something.
  • I miss the night before the 500.  Going to 16th Street the night before the race was an EVENT.  You planned for it.  If you were a denizen of the infield, you had to be somewhere near the track the night before so you could get in line on 16th Street to get in the gates.  Good parking places were at a premium both outside the track the night before the race and inside the track the day of the race.  You plotted, planned, faked, and finally pulled into line.  More than once a car pulled out of a parking spot to get in line and was waved on down the street by the police.  It was a contest.  And the party was HUGE.  It was a place to grow up a little each year.  Of course I was relatively unsupervised from the time I was ten, so I learned a lot at an early age.  But that knowledge is worthless now.  The number of people trying to park inside the track has grown smaller because most of the infield parking has disappeared.  I think it’s one of those law of diminishing returns kind of thing.
  • I miss the community that was the infield.  It had an organic vitality that no longer exists.  Check the photos at IndyStar.com to see what the Snake Pit was like in the 70’s. It was the high water mark.  The new third turn dynamic pales in comparison.  That’s not to say the past was all sweetness and light.  It wasn’t.  It was drunk, dirty, and dangerous.  The new corporate Snake Pit is like a ride at Disney World: a lot of fun but still an imitation of the real thing.
  • I miss the characters.  Name one current owner like Andy Granatelli.  You can’t.  Name a driver like A.J. Foyt, Mario Andretti, Lloyd Ruby, Jim Hurtubise, or Jimmy Clark.  They were bigger than life and far from the politically correct drivers of today.  And that’s not an indictment of today’s drivers.  It’s a comment on the power of money and sponsorship.  Today’s drivers are a product of the business of racing.  I think there’s hope with James Hinchcliffe and Josef Newgarden, though.  I hope the corporate suits let them be themselves.
  • I miss “Thirty Days in May.”  The track used to open on May 1st and teams practiced every day until the second week of qualifications was over.  I understand that economics dictated the shortening of the month.  Just because it was the right decision doesn’t mean I have to like it.  It was news to be the first car and driver on the track each year.  There was action every day.  Engines weren’t leased, and there were no mileage limits.  You could run all day, every day if you wanted.  As Eric Hall at anotherindycarblog.com noted,  Happy Hour just isn’t the same, either.  If you arrived at  the track at 5:00 PM, you were assured of seeing SPEED.  Sadly, those days are over.  The two weekends of qualifying were meaningful because the 500 actually was “The Greatest Spectacle in Racing.”  The drivers acted like making the race was the most important moment in their lives because it was.  Quite simply, the whole month of May was the most important and publicized racing time of the year.
  • I miss the crowds.  If the race is the largest one day sporting event in the world, the first day of qualifications might have been the second largest.  Records were broken and reputations were made.  It was its own race.  The crowds on race day are gone now, too.  A ducat to the race used to be gold.  Every seat was sold.  Now the unsold seats show up on TV.  With the lack of parking inside the track, the general admission crowd is also down, and the crowds that used to sit in all four turns and the backstretch are squeezed into the backstretch and the third turn.  And very quietly, IMS is planning on downsizing the NE Vista and at least one other stand.  If these stands were full, or had a hope of being full, IMS would not be tearing part of them down.  The crowd is smaller, and the larger crowd is never coming back.
  • I miss the icons of Indy.  And I know I’m going to miss more of them.  This track just celebrated its centennial, and if those years have taught us anything, it’s that everyone and everything has an arc.  The track, the race, and the drivers all change, yet remain constant in so many ways.  This year we will see a video of Jim Nabors singing “Back Home Again in Indiana.”  One day a new voice will sing that song.  Donald Davidson will continue to amaze us with his encyclopedic knowledge of all things Indy.  Someday there will be a new historian.  Dan Wheldon will not share his pure joy of racing with us again, yet new drivers will always come to 16th and Georgetown to be part of this fabulous tradition.  The voice of Tom Carnegie, whose signature PA call is the title of this blog, will never be heard again.  These arcs are passing or passed.  I do, and will, miss them all.

My father Horace Wilkinson was born May 30, 1913.  Race day.  He loved the 500.  My granddaughter Isabella Wilkinson was born May 29, 2011.  Race day.  I hope my father’s, my son’s, and my love of this event gets passed on to her.  I hope that someday she passes her love of this great tradition on to her children and grandchildren.  Maybe she will tell stories of what she misses most about the race.  Maybe one of those stories will be about me. [1]

_______________________________________________

1.  I thought long and hard about what song to connect to this moment.  What song says “remember me” in a moving fashion?  I want to thank Tony Johns at PopOffValve.com for mentioning the band Neutral Milk Hotel in a “Paddock Pulse” comment about my blog .  I checked out the band and found the song “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” sung by Jeff Mangum.  He wrote this song about Anne Frank after visiting Amsterdam.  Listen to the lyrics and think not only of Dan Wheldon, but of all those we miss in our lives.  Never forget that we race on Memorial Day and what that means. The lyrics expand below the video.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZuwRORuEyw

Posted in Opinions and tagged , , , ,
07 May 2012
3 Comments

Ten Worthless Opinions – The Shawshank Redemption Edition

What better way to preface my WO’s (worthless opinions) than with quotes from one of those movies you always have to stop and watch when you are flipping through the channels.  Here’s this week’s “Ten Worthless Opinions – The Shawshank Redemption Edition”  Let’s see what Red and Andy have to say about IndyCar racing.

1.  “I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.” 

This is Red on his way to meet Andy in Mexico.  If you substitute “Indy” for “Pacific,” you have how it feels to live in central Indiana in May.  For an Indy 500 fan, nothing compares.  You just can’t wait for the track to open.  Of course, if you are regular reader, you know I can’t keep a thought in my head any other time of the year, either.  If you are an IndyCar fan, the last two words sum everything up.

2.  “Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.”  

This is Red talking about Andy’s escape.  Have you ever seen the campground in the Coke Lot?  Have you ever walked down Georgetown the night before the race?  Have you ever been in the third turn infield at Indy?  Were you ever in the real Snake Pit in first turn?  Yep, this is Indy.

3.  “I believe in two things: discipline and the Bible. Here you’ll receive both. Put your trust in the Lord; your ass belongs to me. Welcome to Shawshank.”  

Warden Norton said this to the new prisoners.  Taking away the fact that Norton was completely corrupt, isn’t this what Beaux Barfield has been telling the drivers?  Substitute “rule book” for “Bible” and “IndyCar” for “Shawshank,” and I think you’ve got it.

4.  “I  must admit I didn’t think much of Andy first time I laid eyes on him; looked like a stiff breeze would blow him over. That was my first impression of the man.” 

This comment by Red seems to be how so many people viewed Randy Bernard when he was first hired.  And yes, I’m looking at you Track Forum and Miller’s Mailbag.  Randy’s got some sand.  He is handling the stiff breezes, and the tornadoes, quite well.

5.  “What is your malfunction, you fat barrel of monkey spunk?”

Captain Hadley said this.  I don’t know if A.J. Foyt ever uttered these words to anyone, but he should have.  I can hear that Texas twang now.  It makes me smile just to think about it.

6.  “Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

Red’s comment sums up exactly how I feel about the present and future of IndyCar.  I continue to hope, but things like the continuing Lotus saga and the Michael Shank Racing issues keep popping up.  Insane?  Not yet, but give me time.

7.  “I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are best left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful, it can’t be expressed in words, and makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a gray place dares to dream. It was like some beautiful bird flapped into our drab little cage and made those walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.” 

Red’s response to Andy playing opera on the prison PA defines the power of music.  At the 500, you don’t have to have a music degree to understand “On the Banks of the Wabash Far Away,” “Back Home Again in Indiana,” “Taps,” or the music of the engines on the first lap.  Those songs and sounds may not make us feel free like they did Red, but they certainly make us feel. [1]

8.  “Bad luck, I guess. It floats around. It’s got to land on somebody. It was my turn, that’s all. I was in the path of the tornado. I just didn’t expect the storm would last as long as it has.” 

Andy Dufresne talking here.  This could be either Marco Andretti, Graham Rahal, or Dario Franchitti being interviewed after a shunt when there is no one else to blame.  It must be fate, since it can’t be their driving.

9.  “Get busy living, or get busy dying.”  

This is Red again, and I think he makes a valid point about the future of IndyCar.  As fans, we can embrace the past, but we have to stop living in it.  Other than Indy, the series needs to make a new history with new drivers, new cars, and new motors.  This series needs vitality, and that is found in new things.  If IndyCar continues to live in the past, then the series will continue its descent out of the public’s eye.  Get busy, Indycar.

10.  “Sometimes it makes me sad, though… Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” 

Red describing Andy being gone is how I feel every other month of the year.  May is magical for an Indy 500 fan.  The race is on the horizon, and every day the excitement builds.   The only thing keeping depression from setting in the day after the race is knowing the next race on the schedule is coming up.  The checkered flags and banners on the house are carefully folded and stored for another year.  Life is much more drab and empty.  I miss my friend the 500.

I’m glad Red and Andy took the time to share their thoughts on IndyCar racing with us.  I am sure they would both understand when I say that the night before the 500 is “the longest night of my life.”

________________________________________

1.  Here’s Straight No Chaser, founded at Indiana University, singing “Back Home Again in Indiana.”  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZ8A7Q-SVHI

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , , ,
01 May 2012

Indy Tenderloin Tour: Binkley’s

(Second in a series of five appearing every Tuesday through May 22, 2010)

This installment of our “Indy Tenderloin Tour” finds us in Broad Ripple, one of Indy’s trendy districts.  If you want to party with the young people and crawl a few pubs, this is the place.  College Avenue is a north-south street that takes you by the Italian favorites Iaria’s and the Milano Inn downtown, past Sun King Brewery, and eventually becomes a wide path leading you to party town, aka Broad Ripple.  As you cruise past the corner of College and Kessler you will see Binkley’s Kitchen and Bar at 5902 N. College Avenue.

Binkley’s took its name from the drugstore that sat on the corner from 1928 until the early 70’s.  You have to like a place that gives a shout out to history.  During the winter you can expect big crowds on the nights Butler [1] plays a home basketball game.

We sat on the patio and were assisted by the lovely and vivacious Deborah.  One recommendation is to order an Indiana brewed beer.  On tap at our visit were beers from Sun King, Three Floyds, Flat 12, and Triton. [2]  You cannot go wrong with any of these breweries.  Remember: drink locally, race globally.

As expected, we ordered breaded tenderloins.  The lovely and vivacious Deborah (bartenders and servers LOVE to be called lovely and vivacious) informed us that the tenderloins at Binkley’s were cut and pounded on site.  The meat is dredged in white flour, fine corn meal, and spices.  The buns are delivered five times a week from Chicago.  Here’s what graced our table:

Tenderloins tread a thin line sometimes.  If they are pounded too thin, it’s all breading without substance.  If they are not pounded enough, the meat is not completely cooked.  The tenderloins at Binkley’s are thick enough to be meaty, yet thin enough to be cooked thoroughly.  Yahtzee!  The buns were toasty and firm and held up well.  Bun sustainability is vital for a great breaded tenderloin.  These babies sustain!  As always, my condiments of choice were mayonnaise and onions.

I have to give this breaded baby a Checkered Flag.  It’s worth the trip to Broad Ripple.

Ratings:
Checkered Flag: It’s a winner.  Picture should be on the Pork-Warner Trophy.
Green Flag: It’s a go.  Solid competitor with a chance to be a winner.
Yellow Flag:  Warning.  Something is not copacetic.
Black Flag:  Get this pig off the track.

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1.  Here’s a link to the ESPN Sports Science segment that analyzed Gordon Hayward’s final shot versus Duke in the 2010 NCAA championship game.  If this shot had gone in, Butler would have been the 2010 NCAA champion.  Hoosier Hysteria, baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQs-d_9iJ14&feature=related

2.  What does everyone need?  Links to great Indiana breweries.  Enjoy!

Posted in Indy Tenderloin Tour and tagged , , , | Leave a comment
22 Apr 2012
3 Comments

Are the Mayans to blame for turbo wars?

The Mayans have been on my mind lately.  The mythology that has sprung up about their calendar truly provides food for thought. [1]  Why exactly did the Mayan calendar end in 2012?  Did modern pop culture simply add meaning that wasn’t there?  What the heck does this have to do with IndyCar?  Allow me to explain.

After deep and difficult research of the available texts and maybe a little spin through the internet, I have arrived at the possible reasons the Mayan calendar ends in December, 2012:

  • That’s the date the aliens arrive.  Have you ever noticed how the carving on King Pakal’s sarcophagus looks like a space ship? [2]  Chariots of the Gods, indeed.
  • The great calendar writer, whoever it was, fell down one of those damn pyramids.  Experts are sometimes difficult to replace.
  • The great calendar writer finished the cycle that ends in 2012 and said, “Well, that’s it.  Let’s go get a beer.”  Isn’t it possible that the job was over?  He was probably working on contract.  Many writers are freelance, you know.
  • The Mayans got their asses kicked by drought, disease, or the Spanish and were a little too busy to update the calendar.  Missed deadlines happen.

What do the Mayans have to do with the IndyCar turbo problem?  I think we can find some connections.  Here we sit in 2012 trying to figure out what happened two thousand years ago.  It seems the Mayans wrote a calendar, but did not take any notes as they did it so future generations would be able to know exactly what was happening at the time.  Didn’t those guys have a scribe or something?  In today’s IndyCar version, Tony Cotman is our modern Mayan calendar guy.  He was so wrapped up in turbo talk that he managed to lose the notes of what seems to be a very important meeting.  According to Honda, when the engine manufacturers were meeting in 2010 to determine the rules, an agreement was reached among the builders that would allow a Borg-Warner turbo that was underperforming to be upgraded.  Honda had it in their notes.  Apparently, Chevrolet was not taking notes or chose not to write this down.  Chevrolet (read: Roger Penske) was dumfounded when Honda asked to upgrade their turbo to be more competitive.  That conversation NEVER took place.  If it did, it would be in the rules.  And it was NOT in the rules.  What could have happened?

Tony the Mayan lost his notes.  Or something.  We are still waiting for a clear explanation.  In any case, some people might say it’s amateur hour once again at 16th and Georgetown.  I don’t blame Roger the Conqueror for insisting that Honda follow the written rules.  I would, however, find it distasteful if the turbo fix was discussed and agreed upon and Chevrolet is pulling the “it never happened” card.  Then again, what would IndyCar be without backstabbing, bitching, and gamesmanship? It has always been part of racing’s DNA.

Even with Chevrolet’s continued protest, it looks like Honda will be allowed their turbo upgrade.  If that happens, Honda and the fans are winners.  If Chevrolet gets its way, then the opinions of Sarah Fisher and A.J. Foyt ring true.  After the shunt at Long Beach, @SarahFisher tweeted, “Politics.  Love it.”  And Robin Miller quoted A.J. on Speed.com saying it best when commenting on the turbo issue, “This ain’t about racin’ this is about politics.’’  Here’s my prediction:  If Chevrolet gets its way on the protest, then the IndyCar world we have been seeing emerge begins to unravel.  And if that happens, then I am canceling my 2012 New Year’s Eve plans because the myth of the Mayan calendar may just be fact.

1.  An overview of the Mayan calendar and the modern corruption of the meaning.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2012_phenomenon

2.  Proof?  Here it is.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%27inich_Janaab%27_Pakal

Posted in Opinions and tagged , ,
08 Apr 2012
1 Comment

New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama

DISCLAIMER:  Yes, this post is exactly one week late.  I know this.  Please refrain from pointing it out to me.  I have been on a lonely mountain in West Virginia without cable or phone service.  After leaving the mountain severely sunburned, I visited relatives in the Washington, D.C. area and will toss in a few worthless opinions regarding that.

I watched the race on Sunday, April 8.  Please pretend the race just happened at Barber and that I did not read any other blogs or news services regarding said race.  Today’s post is a time machine, if you will.  And the opinions are still worthless, but I proudly present them to you.

1.  NBC Sports must have read my last post!  They used intro music that had a pumping beat that might actually, you know, WAKE YOU UP.  Kudos.  Now, how about grid girls?  I cannot emphasize this enough.

2.  I know it was reported that the ratings for the race were way down.  Understood.  Accepted.  But I counted 26 different ads during the broadcast.  True, some of them were NBC Sports advertising its own programming, but most were not.  How many times on Versus last year did we watch the same Firestone, IZOD, Honda, and Versus ads over and over?  Not this time.  I’m guessing the marketing department for NBC swings a bigger stick than Versus and are anticipating (and can live with) a loss as the network ramps up.  And Bob Jenkins mentioned the sponsors on the cars multiple times.  Gee, who thought of that.  Maybe they can become broadcast sponsors, too.  I truly believe that IndyCar and hockey are positioned to be cornerstone properties of the network.  Please get the lemmings off the ledge.  To quote Kevin Bacon from Animal House, “Remain calm!  All is well!” [1]

3.  I love Bitchin’ Bob Jenkins.  Really.  He makes me laugh.  From the race, we have the following: a. “Newt cars”  b. “Grand pee”  c.  “Barber Spartan Park.” d.  “Helio Castro.”  You can’t make that stuff up.  Unless you’re Bob Jenkins, that is.

4.  Speaking of announcers, I am going to make a very unpopular comment:  I like Kevin Lee on the prerace much more than I liked Lindy Thackston.  That is not to say that I had anything against Lindy Thackston.  She was perky, pretty, and perfectly fine.  But Kevin Lee is better.   He is more knowledgeable and a much better interviewer.  In my WO, the broadcast is improved.  Feel free to disagree.

5.  Robin Miller needs a handler or a producer or something.  His grid run was a joke.  Do it or don’t do it.  The potential is there for a fun and interesting segment.  Right now it’s half-assed.  NBC Sports, please add additional ass.  And Robin, saying “hell” multiple times does not make you edgy.

6.  Marty Snider and Townsend Bell were fine in the pits.  Jon Beekhuis always tells me something new.  The info about the pedals, while not thrilling, was informative.  Look, I’m a fan of minutia.  I like the esoteric.  Jon Beekhuis completes me.

7.  Oh,  yeah.  The cars raced.  I mean they really raced.  They passed for position on the track.  They defended.  Or blocked.  Whatever.  They nudged each other.  It was fun to watch.  I think that’s what the networks, fans, and drivers want, right?  Most fans like to see the drivers mix it up.  I’m still waiting for a WWE type heel to emerge.  Marco Andretti, IndyCar’s CM Punk, is the favorite to fill that role.  If  these comments confuse you, then you need to watch Wrestlemania or see my post called “Can you smell what IndyCar is cookin’?”

8.  The camera angles on the cars were great.  ABC take note:  the viewers like to actually see things.  Complicated, it’s not.  This is not long division.

9.  NBC Sports showed passing throughout the pack and throughout the race.  Hint:  keep doing this.  Believe it or not, many race fans actually like to see racing.  Don’t over think it.

10.  Here are some WO’s if you plan to visit the Washington, DC area.  If you are at a bar and they make a point of posting the ABV (alcohol by volume) of their beers, TAKE NOTE.  It becomes important later in the evening.  Also, a trip to the open-air seafood restaurants at the docks on the Potomac is recommended if you don’t mind waiting.  And waiting.  The spicy peel-and-eat shrimp and the gumbo were both quite tasty.  A recommendation: see the Smithsonian American Art Museum. [2]  Currently showing are Annie Leibovitz: Pilgrimage and The Art of Video Games.  Culture is what separates the IndyCar fan from the NASCAR fan.  Get some.

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1.  Here’s Kevin Bacon talking to IndyCar fans regarding the TV ratings.  It was, I believe, his first film role.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDAmPIq29ro

2.  In case you want to check out the American Art Museum’s offerings.  http://americanart.si.edu/

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , , ,
26 Mar 2012
4 Comments

New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions – St. Pete

Opinions I have.  The value of those opinions is up for debate.  As this new racing season starts, I have mulled over what recurring race response I should write.  I have taken the lazy man’s way out.  Or the hack writer’s way out.  Either way says something about me.  With that said, allow me to introduce my new feature: “New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions.”  I will try to live up to the title’s expectations.  After each round, I will post 10 opinions.  This allows me to not create a cohesive narrative.  I won’t need transitions.  A theme doesn’t need to exist.  In other words, it fits my writing style.  How’s that for self-awareness?  Here’s this week’s blather.

1.  ABC deserves an “A” for their prerace handling of Dan Wheldon’s death and its aftermath.  They got it as right as you can get it.  They had to show images of the wreck.  It’s still news, and it affects the series, the drivers, and the fans.  The had to show Dario Franchitti crying in his car.  That’s an iconic image that will be shown for years.  They had to interview Tony Kanaan.  He’s the de facto spokesman for the drivers.  They had to show Dan at the yard of bricks and talking about the new car.  The Dan Wheldon story is still being told.  His death and the human responses to it still move me.  Kudos to the nameless producer who put that segment together.

2.  ABC deserves a “C” for the music used in its production.  Can they find any less edgy or less current tunes?  It was sappy and sentimental.  Jeez, just pay the royalties for something new.  Old people are not turned off by popular music.  Young people (you know, the demographic you are looking to engage) do respond to something they recognize.  You could even use that stupid Neon Trees song “Everybody Talks” from the Buick Verano commercial.  Anything is better than what you have!  NBC Sports, take a hint.

3.  I’m not done with ABC just yet.  They open the broadcast with a lullaby, and follow it with the dulcet Mr. Rogers tones of Marty Reid and Scott Goodyear.  Come on guys, at least act like you’re excited.  I think Marty is just pissed he’s not at a NASCAR race and has to look at those small numbers and new liveries on the IndyCars.  Isn’t there an ex-racer hanging out in the paddock that can use some exposure?  NBC Sports, take another hint and make it a party.  Go after that new demographic…please.  It should be noted that pit reporters Jamie Little, Vince Welch, and Rick DeBruhl are knowledgeable, articulate, and enthusiastic.  I wish that would rub off on the guys upstairs.

4.  Everyone is so complimentary about how well the drivers took care of their cars.  Robin Miller said it was a new-found respect for each other.  Others suggested that Beaux Barfield put the fear of Race Control in the drivers during the closed-door drivers’ meeting.  These both may be true.  How’s this WO (worthless opinion): there are not very many spare parts around for the cars yet.  Everyone wants to race next week.  Let’s see if this “after you” good manners mentality continues when the parts inventory increases.

5.  Speaking of Race Control, my WO is that Beaux Barfield passed his first test.  An investigation ensued after contact between Helio Castroneves and Ed Carpenter.  It was immediately publicized (transparency!).  A ruling was made and announced.  It was the right ruling, too.  Two cars nose-to-tail and the leading car slows in the racing line.  It was unavoidable and was not an aggressive move.  Batting a 1.000 for the season, Beaux.

6.  Helio Castroneves’ salute to Dan Wheldon was touching.  On Wind Tunnel, he told Dave Despain that it was not planned.  He stopped to climb the fence in front of the bleachers and turned and saw the sign across the track.  We have come to expect emotional and impulsive responses from Helio.  This one is a keeper.  It moved me.

7.  Back to ABC.  Hey, guys in the production truck.  Yeah, you with the headphones.  Just a WO from a viewer.  SHOW US SOME PASSES!  If you were keeping track on IndyCar.com’s scoring page, you could see passes were taking place.  I know ABC, you want to tell stories (everyone wants to create the next Mad Men).  Here’s a story line for you:  THERE’S A FREAKING RACE GOING ON AND THE FANS ARE TUNING IN TO WATCH IT!  Feel free to use that.  Once more, in case NBC Sports sees this, tell us the story of the race.  Give us the basic situation, show us the rising action, throw in the conflict and complications, introduce the protagonists and antagonists, use exposition so we know what’s going on, lead us to the theme.  THAT’S storytelling.  The race IS the story.  Thank you for listening.

8.  In my WO, engines are going to blow.  It’s the calm before the storm.  I know the engine builders are good, but they are not that good.  Don’t put the oil dry away just yet.  You just cannot build that many high performance engines that quickly without adequate testing and not have gremlins.  Expect it to bite every team at some point.  Back to storytelling: this creates suspense.  I remember hoping something wouldn’t happen to Lloyd Ruby.  It always did, and that got me emotionally involved.

9.  Simon Pagenaud, James Hinchcliffe, Josef Newgarden…’nuff said.

10.  The cars looked OK.  They were sleek and racy.  At least they were until you saw them from the back.  Woof.  What a dog from that view.  Tony Johns at PopOffValve.com convinced me in a recent post that the DeltaWing could not have been picked as the car for the series because of safety, testing, and money.  I should point out that I was reluctantly convinced.  I still don’t think the needle moved very much.  As my mother used to say about my high school girlfriends, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

That’s it, folks.  You have borne witness to the birth of “New Track Record’s Ten Worthless Opinions” about the IndyCar race at St. Pete.  I look forward to delivering some more the next time.*

*New Track Record will be traveling next weekend, so the “Ten Worthless Opinions” may be running a little late.  Actually, I’ll be in a cabin in the mountains of West Virginia on Sunday with NO CABLE.  I guess we’ll find out how well the Verizon IndyCar app works.

Posted in 10 Worthless Opinions and tagged , ,
24 Feb 2012
1 Comment

A Bowl of Indy Stew – Day 2, 1986

Did you hear that?  The timer on the stove just went off, and you know what that means, don’t you?  Another bowl of Indy Stew has cooked up and is ready to be served.  This is the third bowl of 1986 stew.  It’s kind of like a good pot of ham and beans.  The more you reheat it, the better it gets.  So tuck in your napkins and grab your spoons.  Dinner is served.

………………..

Will 1986 ever end?  This is the third time I’ve written about it and the race still hasn’t happened.   As we know, day one ended soggily, so we packed up our shelter and headed home.  Maybe better luck and blue skies would show up on Monday.  Wishful thinking.  Monday was just like Sunday with intermittent showers.  Even though there were no cars on the track, we were certainly entertained.

In 1986, in addition to the regular cast of characters, my buddy Vic rolled in from Florida.  Vic was a hometown friend of mine from Shirley, Indiana.  In ’86, he brought his biker buddy Nick with him.  Yes, I know.  It’s Vic and Nick.  If I was making this stuff up, don’t you think I could do better than that?

In any case, our new friend Nick fit right in.   There’s something to be said for having a biker looking guy who really is a biker hanging with you.  Nick had long dark hair, bulging muscles, and wore a sleeveless jeans jacket…with patches.  The patches I remember said “In Memory of Wheelchair John” and “In Memory of Troll.”  Let’s just say that Nick got your attention.  Some people have an aura around them.  That was Nick.  Truthfully, he was a funny and friendly guy.  He brought a battery-powered blender and mixed a great margarita.  He had never been to the race and wanted to experience it at least once.  He certainly added to a stranger’s race experience.

The IMS staff had just built the new infield restrooms.  If you ever used the old pits-with-plywood-over-them restrooms that used to dot the infield, then you know what an upgrade they were.  We were almost giddy to have stainless steel troughs and stalls.  Nick and I happened to be heading that direction at the same time, and we were discussing how he was enjoying the race experience.  He commented that his expectation was that the race crowd would be a little wilder.  Now, I’m not quite sure how to phrase this next part.  There is a certain lavatory etiquette among men when troughs are used.  Conversation is kept to a minimum unless you are conversing prior to trough approach.  You don’t talk to strangers.  Never smile at the guy next to you.  These are unwritten rules, but every guy knows them.  I am sure there are corollaries and codicils, but rules do exist.  I was about to witness what happens when these rules, a biker, and a nasty sense of humor intersect.

Following the rules, we entered the lavatory without talking.  At this moment, some poor citizen had the misfortune of taking the spot next to Nick.  He was either unaware of the rules or inattentive to the situation, and he smiled at Nick.  Wrong choice.  Nick hit me with a quick elbow and whispered, “Watch this.”  I watched as Nick slowly turned his head toward the guy and in a low, slow, and evil voice said, “You know, I can’t pee with someone standing next to me.  I guess I’m going to have to kill you.”

I’ve always wondered what went through the poor guy’s mind at that moment.  Did fear course through his body?  Could he hear his own heart beat? Did his life flash before his eyes?  I was stunned.  I had never witnessed anything quite like it.  The stranger’s knees buckled slightly.  He gasped.  And then he ran out of the lavatory.  Nick turned to me and laughed loudly and long.  His laughter was full of humor and danger.  That was life in the infield in 1986.

Nick never came back to the race.  He started going to the motorcycle rally at Sturgis, and I’ve not seen him since.  Every now and then, I wonder if the stranger ever came back to Indy.  I wonder if he ever tells the story of the biker in the bathroom.  It’s just one more tale from the “Greatest Spectacle in Racing” that makes me smile when I tell it.  How can you not love Indy?

………………..

The adventure has just begun.  Next time, we finally get to race day in 1986.  I’ll just put the pot of Indy stew on a slow simmer until then.

Posted in A Bowl of Indy Stew and tagged , ,
10 Feb 2012
2 Comments

New Track Record’s State of IndyCar

In anticipation of Randy Bernard’s State of IndyCar address coming up, it’s time for New Track Record to offer its views on the current state of the racing series.  I might add that I am totally unqualified to have any views on the subject, which in recent years would mark me as an expert.

Re: the cars
Contrary to recent reports, the wheels have not been falling off of the new DW12’s.  Unless you mean that figuratively.  Really, what were the expectations for a car designed with computer simulations and models.  Were we really surprised that it was slow on ovals?  The media, both new and old, was just waiting to celebrate the problems.  What else is there to do in the off-season?  I guess we have been conditioned to expect, and accept, the worst.  That’s the price of being an IndyCar fan. I know that form follows function, but damn, that is not a pretty car.  As a long time owner of boxers, I am used to pretending that something ugly is cute, but I just can’t act like this car is a movie star.  I would like to thank the F1 constructors, though, for designing something uglier.  Grazie, Ferrari.

Re: the engines
What happens to a series that has only one engine manufacturer for a dozen years?  It opens up the series to new manufacturers as long as the old builder can help write the rules.  Don’t get me wrong, the new engines and competition between the builders are GREAT.  We needed it.  But the very real possibility that teams wanting to join the series could be left out in the cold leaves me cold.  Some have discussed capping the number of cars, but closing the door to new teams now will not give them incentive to come knocking again when, not if, teams drop out later.  The builders are holding all the cards, and they want a new buy in for the newcomers to get in the game.  They want to charge new teams a premium to buy the same motors as their monied peers.  The PR flaks for IndyCar and the builders are putting in some LONG hours to spin this pile of shinola.

Re: the Leaders Circle
Here’s an idea: right before the State of IndyCar presentation, let’s release the winners of the Great Money Goat Rope.  Did anyone else have a vision of a bag of money tied to a goat while a bunch of greenhorns with ropes tried to wrangle it?  No?  I’m the only one with that picture in my head?  Well, that’s my gift to you then.  Once again, let’s see if IndyCar can clearly call some of its teams winners and some LOSERS.  If the losing owners can be believed  (and they can’t) then they did not know the criteria for choosing the winners after the presentation of their business models.  Wouldn’t you think that for a $60,000 ante, you might ask some questions about the rules?  If I plop $60,000 on a table in Vegas, it’s damn sure I’m going to know how to play the game.  Maybe the teams could ask for a rubric?  What the fans need here is a little transparency.  Let us in on the process.  We do want to keep teams in the series, right?

Re: the rule book
Kudos to Beaux Barfield for tackling the rule book in a systematic fashion and taking the time to EXPLAIN why he was doing what he was doing.  The proof will be in application of the rules, though.  As long a he puts the screws down consistently, he can put them down all he wants.  These rules and their applications will be part of the entertainment of the year.  I am looking forward to the Penske, Ganassi, and Andretti hand-wringing pronouncements of innocence and bewilderment when they are assessed penalties.  The more things change…

Re: xenophobia
Xenophobia is defined as “an unreasonable fear of foreigners or strangers or of that which is foreign or strange,” and it’s rearing its ugly head in IndyCar land with Rubens Barrichello and China.  The less worldly of IndyCar fans continue to bemoan the fact that the series does not have enough American drivers, enough ovals, and enough publicity.  Let me ask a question.  WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?  Barrichello has  almost 1.5 million followers on Twitter.  IndyCar needs fans, and it doesn’t matter where they live.  We exist in the world, not just North America.  IndyCar needs to make, not hemorrhage, money.  Brazil is full of racing fans.  Let’s make them IndyCar fans.  And China, with all of its human rights issues, unfair business practices, and, you know, the repressive communist regime thing, is still a money factory with 1.3 BILLION possible fans.  Come on, people, do the math here.  The American education system hasn’t failed that miserably, has it?

Are these the only issues facing IndyCar this year?  Please.  The hunt for ovals to host races, the continual search for both team and series sponsors, and getting a tighter rein on those damn bloggers are also problems to be solved.  But all is not doom and gloom.  The best thing about the State of IndyCar is really simple.  It’s IndyCar.

Posted in Opinions and tagged , ,
27 Jan 2012
2 Comments

A Bowl of Indy Stew – Day 1, 1986

You know the trouble with diets?  Temptation.  It lurks around every corner: breaded tenderloins, White Castles, sundry cured meats.  How can I get down to my “race weight” when temptation is whispering sweet nothings in my ear.  Right now, for instance, I can smell a bowl of Indy stew simmering on the stove.  Can you smell it?  It’s the essence of suntan lotion, beer, and ethanol.  Delicious.  I can’t resist.  I’ll start my diet tomorrow.  Today I’m going to ladle up a heaping helping of Indy stew, circa 1986.  Grab a spoon and dig in.

In the last installment of “A Bowl of Indy Stew,” our intrepid race-goers survived sneaking in the track the night before the 1986 race, setting up a canopy, and hosting  a horde of yellow shirts who sheltered from the rain with us.  But the day had not even started.

Race morning in 1986 dawned hot, humid, and rainy.  Things did not look promising, but the crowd poured in anyway.  The rest of our crew arrived and pulled the van in next to our canopy.  Perfect.  We had two spots next to the fence in Turn 2.  We lived for this moment.  When you went to the race with a general admission ticket, you couldn’t exhale until you got your vehicle in the gate and parked.

Surprisingly, some of our crew had been drinking the night before.  I know, who would have thought that?  Just after we got our van parked, someone walked behind the canopy and had a liquid laugh.  You know, called the elephants, chundered, yacked, had a technicolor yawn, played the whale.  Got the picture?  Highly entertaining.  As the vehicles pulled in behind us, they veered away from the guy with his hands on his knees.  Being Good Samaritans, we waved people away.  Moments later, all the spots behind us were filled except that one.  Who would want to park there?

A short time later, two girls with a tent hiked up and started to set up camp directly over the spot.  We told them not to set up there, but before we could tell them why they informed us they could take care of themselves, thank you.  Well, live and let live.  Exchanging knowing glances, we left them to their sullied campsite.  They crawled in the tent and went to sleep.  The heat and humidity that day were stifling.  We glanced back at the tent and wondered what it smelled like inside that nylon oven as the day heated up.  The girls slept on.  When they woke up, we heard one of them loudly complain in what can only be described as an entitled whine, “Ew, what’s that smell?”  A lone voice responded, “That’s puke, sweetheart!”  They hopped out of their tent, accused us of complicity in their degradation, broke camp, and flounced away in a huff to a round of laughter and applause.  Apparently, they were not amused.  Obviously, we were.

It was a good start to an interesting day.

Want more?  Just give me time to add a few more ingredients to the pot and let it simmer.  Another bowl of Indy stew from 1986 will be coming up soon.

Posted in A Bowl of Indy Stew, Humor and tagged , ,

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